breakthrough~~fail.....

i am scare lose person, hokkien called " kia shu"...when i childhood, never got ppl will dare rejected me. jes got "yes". but when i come to kl. i meet a lot of people, got a lot of kind ppl. fierce, useless, good, bad,active. and etc...so,face to difference ppl, i must got difference character. infront the ppl, i cannot always "yes" maybe ppl will say no...or ur suggestion bar by someone else. i'am kia shu person. how i alive on this world neh? even i evangelise, what u said,no mean tat all must agree wit u. getting rejected a lot of times, my heart also pull down by them, very very down. coz no body will reject me b4. getting reject me..i also feel that i no energy to talk again. but what is good still got friends beside me to support me la. even sometime, i can lost my control when in my typing ask them come to church
i wanna scold ppl already, but after i typed it..i think it as a christian, if jes force them come, may be they will anti and said me y this person like this, luan luan ma ren deee...christian like tat dee meh. may be GOD always remind me and control my emotion, in the end i still delete it wat i write. and advise them again. but heart still got no siok a bit la. see the chord book got one song called "Purify My Heart" when i sing through, i cannot finish this song as well. y? coz my heart fight each other, pain, really pain. then the song i play out like difference, or i swang this song use all my power to release this song. cannot..cannot purify rite now.. i admire my housemate every time so happy. but me cannot. friends share they secret to me. i need to keep it. jes now i got a friend actually promise me wanna go church tomolo, but after this she change her mind. i chat wit her 2hours, but she still dun wan. tat time i still wanna start to scold her liao and force her. but if i keep on like tat, maybe friend also cannot be. jes let her free. i think what can i do for her, jes from i action la. what i do, will change a person opinion toward me. need sometime again. i wan to action to prove tat i really heart to heart,no lie to lie...jes this way. i wan her change her opinion. but i really need sister brother to support me. no need say until wanna give a hand or what,sometime one sentence come,i also appreciate it already. may God help me jes let me can change her la. sometime i saw the good pastor, y they got so many ppl in thier church, benny hinn, jes a normal ppl, but he can make a miricle all the nation follow him. izzit for us can do a good leader like him?how he can effect so many ppl to follow him. izzit when he get start also same wit us, share gospel one by one? but what is good is finally i get that y i get so down when i evangelise. b4 tat i jes know very down,but dun know y.. church friends or U friends, all also importance to me. i think need to learn how to express my self. really need more energy.....God, where r u?